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When it comes to Valentine’s Day, there’s nothing more romantic than eating all the candy and drinking all the champagne…while simultaneously binge-watching reruns of Love It or List It, wrapped under layers of blankets like a human Chipotle burrito.

Completely alone, obviously…because your husband has agreed to take your kids out to dinner in lieu of some grand gesture like expensive jewelry or a bouquet of white roses. You appreciate both of those things, but even more so, you appreciate any moment you spend without someone yelling “MOOOMMMMM!!!!” in your ear.

Welcome to the Low-Bar Lifestyle. It’s great to have you here! We don’t feel guilty for needing a break from time to time, and neither should you. It’s a way to relax and recharge so we can function better as moms, as well as human beings.

Here’s a gift guide to help you live your best Low-Bar Lifestyle and treat yourself this Valentine’s Day, however you prefer to celebrate:

THE JOMO (Joy of Missing Out):